Kizzy

Had a good weekend. It was my friend's hen party, we met at 4pm in a cocktail bar but I wasn't too drunk and disorderly. Well, I was a bit tipsy, but not really bad. We had the bar to ourselves for a few hours, played a few games, drank some rather lush cocktails and ate cake, before going round a few more bars. Bought myself a lovely new dress.

At the end of the night, got a tikka wrap and went to my mate's house who lives in town. He's asked me out a few times before but I told him I just want to be mates. He said he respected that, it was all fine. I said I'd go to his for a bit to eat my takeaway and watch a film and then I'd get a taxi home, but he tried it on with me and was going on about how he knows I'm really busy and I live 45 miles away but he doesn't care he just wants to give things a try. Well I DON'T. Why can't he take no for an answer?!

I was there about 20 minutes and I just left. I've told him time and time again that I just want to be friends, that I'm too busy to think about blokes with all the work I've got to do. When I got back to my parents I text him and said that I thought we could be mates but it's obviously not working because he thinks that means more than it does, and I don't want it to be taken as if I'm leading him on when all I'm doing is treating him as a friend. And just to make it clear, I said that its nothing to do with being busy, I would find the time to go out with someone if I really really liked them, but I don't feel that way about him.

He said he appreciated my honesty and wouldn't bring the subject up again. Then he text me the next day as if nothing had happened.

I wasn't trying to be harsh, but no just doesn't seem to be having an effect.

Shame the present object of my affections doesn't like me that much. Well, one of them lol. Think I've got a crush on one of the IT guys at work. He came to fix my scanner last week. I tried to have a bit of a flirt but it was a bit difficult with the trainee IT girl hanging around.

Even I had to laugh at my ridiculousness though. I'd just taken out my contact lenses and put my glasses on as my eyes were a bit sore, when about 30 seconds later IT guy rang to say he was coming over to my office. Quickly put the contacts back in, brush my hair, powder my nose, spray a bit of Chanel... well something had to cover up the smell of desperation.

Mmm, forget Canteen Boy, I think this new mission could make work a bit more interesting. Until I find out he's got a girlfriend/fiancee/wife/boyfriend, and then I'll have to find some other victim crush.

My assignment is due in on Friday. And what have I done since getting in from work?

Went to Tesco, Cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor, hoovered the entire flat, cleared out my chest of drawers, filled a bin bag for the rubbish and one for the charity shop and did some online house-hunting.

If my masters was in procrastination, I'd walk it.

So I found out what happened to Psycho Date. He's been charged with battery, has to go to counselling for binge drinking and was banged up for a weekend for missing his bail. He also is likely to lose his job as he keeps going out and getting drunk then missing work.

Nice.

Tractor Boy was in touch for a while but I've not heard from him since before I went on holiday. I did ignore his last few texts though. He's too young. I saw his brother and a women I'm assuming to be their mam in Tesco last night. He looked at me like he recognised me, but he might not have realised where from.

London Boy (the one I met in Newcastle) replied to my email on Facebook, and I sent one back before I went on holiday but I've not heard anything from his since. He was online before so I say Hi on Facebook chat and two minutes later he went offline! I think he's a lost cause, which is such a shame as I've not met anyone I like that much in ages.

Just as well, London is hundreds of miles away. And I don't need anymore distractions right now.

First day back at work after holiday. The admin assistant has left! She was told she only has 6 weeks left as her contract won't be renewed so she decided to just leave. So that puts yet more pressure on me, and everything I asked her to do last week while I was off she hasn't done. Which is not what I needed to hear first day back with 200 emails to go through!

I'm back from Spain and looking decidedly, erm, beige. No actually I've got a bit of a tan, unusual for me, especially as I spent most of my time hiding out in the shade. I did burn my head and my ears though, which always happens.

Holiday was good, not a lot to say really, lots of drinking and eating. And dancing and cocktails.

Didn't get much study done though, except for on the plane there and back. I have a stupidly busy 2 weeks of study ahead of me and really don't know how I'm going to manage it on top of work.

So just a brief post really to say hello, I'm back and I hopefully will get some chance in between work and study to blog over the next couple of weeks!

Bye for now.

Oh god. I've just messaged him on Facebook. I figured even though I was last to text last night he then added me to Facebook so that would make it ok to make the next move.

I'm so sad. The guy lives several hundred miles away and I spent all of a few hours in his company, so I don't know why I'm getting myself bothered about it!

Saturday night in Newcastle involved hot naked men.

At the Adonis Stipper Show, that is. It was quite embarressing, especially when one of them ran right over to me with only a (very large) dollop of body lotion to protect his, er, modesty. Most of it ended up on my cardigan and in my hair. Which was embarrassing.

Was good fun though. Full of hen parties. One group, dressed as sailor girls were being real bitches though. One of them burnt my friend with a cigarette and then her mate said to her 'Did you get her' and they were being really funny with her, so it seemed like it was on purpose. Then, she was causing trouble with two other girls from seperate groups outside when they were smoking and she got kicked out. Served her right, there's no need for that. Especially when everyone is just trying to have a good time.

After the Adonis Show we went for drinks in the bar upstairs, before going back to the bar we ended up in on friday night. This time the only thing I left with was a pizza.

During the day I did a bit of holiday shopping in Primark. Feel a bit better now I actually have some clothes to wear.

The guy from Friday text me a couple of times over the weekend, then he text yesterday morning asking for my email address/if he could add me to facebook becuase he would like to keep in touch, and I've not heard anything else from him.

He's added me to Facebook, I reckon he's taken a look through my photos and decided he must have had his beer goggles on on friday. Even if I did have a cull of unflattering photos before accepting his add!

And so here we go again. Meeting a nice guy and then obsessing over why he hasn't been in touch. At least I've got 9 days in Spain to take my mind off it! Yey!

Spent the weekend in Newcastle for a friend's 30th Birthday. It was a really good weekend, I certainly needed it, even if I really could have done with spending the weekend studying. I'm even taking my text books with me to Spain on Thursday, that's how much work I have to do!

I went over to Newcastle on the train on Friday afternoon. Everyone else had went through in the morning but I had to work. There were six of us altogether - two more joined us for the Saturday night - including 4 of the girls I went to Benidorm with, and a girl who had a go at me on a night out a couple of years ago.

She didn't know me, but she had started hanging round with a girl that I used to be mates with and started on me because she had basically been fed a load of lies and thought she was standing up for her mate. She soon found out what she was like when she slept with her boyfriend and later apologised for having a go at me. She has been nice to me ever since, but she's certainly a bit rough round the edges. Most of the girls hadn't met her before, one of them invited her along, and she was playing up for attention and annoyed most of us by the end. I'm no snob, and I swear quite a lot, but I think I'm going to stop because I really hope I don't sound like her. She is just so loud and agressive, it's quite embarrasing because everyone would have heard her a mile off and probably thought they would steer well clear of us!

Friday night we went to the Hyena comedy club. First thing I noticed - typically - was that its the place to go if you're on the pull. Other than the six of us there was a handful of women - most out with their partners - and the rest of the place was packed with men. We did attract the attention of a few guys on a stag do, which was unfortunate as one of them seemed to latch on to me just because his brother was pulling my mate and he found out I was the only other single one in the group.

One of the comediens I wasn't too keen on but the other two were really funny. Afterwards, we went to the bar downstairs, followed by the guys from the stag do. I eventually managed to shake off the one that latched onto me. Mainly by talking to another guy. I had noticed this guy as soon as he walked in. It wasn't that he was really good looking or anything, there was just something about him. It was a couple of hours later - when I'd just about given up hope of him ever looking in my direction - when he started talking to me.

We talked for a bit and when everyone else got taxis back we walked back to the quayside where both our hotels were. I went to his for a bit, then his room mate came back and seemed a bit annoyed, before disappearing off again.

I was very well behaved though. Well, I didn't sleep with him lol. We were just talking and kissing, and yes, I did have a little feel. It was very tempting but I resisted. I wouldn't usually, I'll admit that, and I'd have never seen him again so it wouldn't have mattered but I just thought didn't want him to think of me like that. Plus I'm really self conscious at the moment, I've put on weight and I just feel really rubbish about myself so I didn't really want to get naked in front of him. Which never usually bothers me. I'm just feeling a bit funny about all that stuff at the moment. Like going on holiday, I don't have much to wear that fits me/looks decent and despite the fact it will be boiling I'm taking leggings to wear out at night as I don't want to show my legs.
I know I'm just going to feel so self conscious the whole time.

Anyway, back to my man. Yes, he is actually a man this time, not 19 like the last one! In fact, he's 31 which is some kind of record for me. He seemed really nice. He walked me back to my hotel just down the road, I got back about half 4. He took my number and has text me a few times since. Shame he lives in London and I'll never see him again.

The guys I've met lately - well for a while - I've just not been that bothered. It's all been a bit half hearted, I've not met anyone I really like. And no one that makes me constantly check my phone to see if he's text. Even the date I went on the other week, I wasn't going to go at first. In the end I thought well so what if he's not the guy for me, what harm can a date do (How wrong was I. A swollen face, two beaten up guys and an arrest later and I realise I should have trusted my instinct!)

However this guy I really liked. Just as well he's not local, he's probably really a bastard, I've just been fooled. Wouldn't surprise me if he'd got a girlfriend, that's usually the case.

A Chinese girl has lost her memory after being struck by a falling pregnant tortoise as she walked along a street.

My favourite bit: "If I do not have a confession from the guilty tortoise thrower I will sue everybody in the building."

I slept in this morning and was an hour and a half late for work!!

For weeks I've gone without sleeping properly, walking up through the night, and then this weekend I've slept loads.

I rushed to get ready and went into work, and when my boss asked if I was out I started crying. I don't know why, I feel such a fool. I just said I was tired and still a bit ill from having a cold and was pissed off at having slept in.

I feel better now - have recovered from my emotional episode - perhaps a few good nights sleep was what I needed. But I do feel like a bit of an idiot. I hate that they think I might not be able to cope. She told me to go home, to have a day off but I didn't. It would just have made things worse because I would have had twice as much to do tomorrow.

At least it is One Tree Hill night, yey!

Went to town today to take some shoes back to Next, and they weren't taking returns due to the sale! I've had them for three weeks and only just got round to taking them back.

Not quite a wasted trip though as I did get a new bag, some other shoes, and some trousers for work. Treats for me!

Still haven't done much work. Oh well. There's always tomorrow.