Kizzy

I've not really been in a blogging mood this week. Thought I'd just give a quick update.

Went out at the weekend. Not much gossip really, had a sneaky kiss (pub snog lol). It's a guy who I ended up with quite a few times a while ago. He's just come back from a year in Australia. He reminds me a bit of Joey from friends (a bit dumb) so for the purposes of Blog-land, I shall call him Joey. He kept texting me saying how much he wanted to be with me on Sunday night. I could have went home with him, but having already suffered the humiliation of sneaking out of his parents' house on several occassions I thought the prospect of pizza and my own bed was more appealing.

Cricket Boy was out but I didn't see him to speak too - he walked very quickly past me with some girl in tow (not his fiancee - what a surprise).

I've put on sooo much weight, I need to do something drastic. Nothing fits me. Though I have some cake in the cupboard so I might start after I've eaten that.

Work is really busy. I haven't been finishing until 6-6.30 all week. Which probably doesn't seem that late to some people but I've been the only one left. And it's not going to let up, its just getting busier and busier.

I've found another potential house, I really hope it hasn't gone already, I'm going to ring up tomorrow and make an appointment to go and see it. Fingers crossed!

Mmm, that was a not so quick update! Bye for now. x

Ok Toy Boy is really annoying me now. He text me on Saturday and said that the tickets were at his house and I could go round to pick them up whenever. Now my mate is buying them instead, so he said he would drop off the tickets today. Then I could take them to my mates house when I'm back this weekend, get the money from him, and drop it off at the Toy Boys house when I get back, on Monday.

Now he has text me saying he doesn't have the tickets, they won't get here until monday or tuesday (despite monday being a bank holiday, so he won't get any post then), whihc conveniently means that I can pick the money up for him first and then get the tickets when I drop it round.

So I have replied that I thought he said the tickets were at his house, and if he is concerned about the money I'll just give him it myself when I get the tickets.

He's now saying he thought his brother had the tickets, but he doesn't, and his brothers not keen on giving them to someone he doesn't know without the money.

It's fair enough I suppose, but I'm kind of doing him a favour finding him someone to buy them so soon. And he should just say that straight up rather than doing it in a sneaky way.

I'm just finding him really annoying right now.

Big style. Didn't finish until 6 today.
Was going to do some studying but really can't be bothered now.

Toy boy is supposed to be coming round. Don't get excited, he's only coming round to drop off the Green Day tickets as one of my mates is now buying them off him as I'm no longer going. So he's dropping them off here for him. I think I've lost interest now, he's always sending out mixed signals I'm a bit fed up of him to be honest.

Canteen boy said hi to me today. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. How sad.

The landlord picked the other application. I didn't get the house. With the garden and conservatory.

Gutted.

So back to square one. Need to keep looking, though have come across nothing remotely comparable so far.

I'm just not having a good day.

I have no new house to look forward to.

Work is stupidly busy, and the new admin assistant is useless (when she's not off on the sick - which is averaging one week in three).

I had yet another letter from fat club trying to guilt me into going back. ("Dear Fatty, We missed you at fat club this week, you better come back before we have to widen the doors for you.")

I saw canteen boy with his girlfriend again today - of course I see him everywhere I go now I know he's spoken for.

And I've ran out of nutella.

On the plus side:

I forgot that my sister owes me £115 which I'll get at the weekend, so I'm not as skint as I thought. (Though this will promptly be spent on a weekend of alcohol and a couple of presents I need to buy.)

My Guns n Roses CD from ebay came in the post today.

And I have tea and biscuits.

So not all bad.

...right?

I called the letting agency earlier, and they say the landlord is still deciding. I suppose that's not necessarily a bad thing - at least they are considering my application to rent the house.

I know I need to be patient. But I just want to know NOW!

I am not going to see Green Day now.

Toy boy decided he was going to get the train and has booked a hotel for him and his brother. The origional plan was that we were all going to go down in the car together.

I just got the impression that even though he offered and then text me about it to confirm, he doesn't really want us to go with him. He mentioned it in drink and is back-tracking now. He'd be quite happy for us to give him the money for the tickets, as long as he doesn't have to spend time with us! Which would be a bit awkward as the seats are next to his.

Maybe I'm being oversensitive and reading too much into it. But I don't want to pay over £40 for a ticket, for something that's happening 5 months away, if he's going to be all weird about it.

And my friend, who goes out with his friend, also isn't keen anymore as it's going to get a bit expensive if we stay over. So we are not going to bother. I know someone whoe might want the tickets though. And as they will be in the seats next to Toy boy, I should get them to be really mean and obnoxious, ha! Only joking. Depends how much he pisses me off between now and then!

That was a bit random. My friend's brother, who is about 19, and who I don't really know that well just instant messaged me on Facebook to say he had a funny dream about me last night. I asked what I was doing in his dream, to which he replied 'You know what you were doing', and 'It was good!'.

I put 'that's all kinds of wrong' and he declared that he misses me and thinks we were good together. In his dream, that is.

I decided the conversation was too weird to continue, wished him good night and asked him to try not to have any dreams about me tonight!

I should be flattered. But I find it abit wrong. Very wrong.

So... I'm going to see Green Day. Not til October though.

I mentioned them last night, when Toy boy piped up that he is going to see them in Manchester and has two spare tickets. So me and my friend, who was there last night, are going to go. With Toy boy and his brother.

Good times. But ages away.

I'm feeling a bit deflated about the whole Toy boy thing but not really surprised. It's not about him, its just more that it never works out. I'm not desperate to meet a bloke or anything - it would be nice but I've got plenty of other things going on to keep me occupied! Plus I like my own space and doing my own thing, something which I actually enjoy more the longer I'm single.

It's just that its a bit of a blow to my already low confidence everytime I meet a bloke and it doesn't work out, or I get a silly crush which is not recipricated.

Oh well. Nothing new really!

God I'm starvos I really should get dressed and get some food soon.

I was going to do something productive with my free afternoon but doesn't look that way.

But probably most definatly shouldn't. Damn.

I went to Toy Boy's house. I have consumed a fair few drinks.

There were only five of us there. My friend and her boyfriend, the Toy boy, me and one of his mates. A female mate, who has a boyfriend.

However, when faced with the prospect of spending the night sharing a bed with the Toy boy and his female friend, I declined and decided to get a taxi home.

And here I am.

She was very nice. But I went to the toilet and when I came back she had taken my place snuggled in very close to the Toy Boy, and she had made several negative comments about her boyfriend while I was there, so I can't help thinking that something was going on. Even though she had said he was like a hot brother, so nothing would happen. But rather than get caught up in that, I decided to leave.

I think it may have been for the best - I don't want to embarrass myself, and he is clearly not interested.

I'm off to bed.

Toy Boy has just text. To confirm if I'm going tomorrow.

My friend (whose boyfriend is mates with Toy Boy - hence how we met)text yesterday to say she would give me a lift, and that I need to take a sleeping bag. As in, to sleep over. But he hasn't mentioned anything about sleeping over, so I don't want to turn up with a sleeping bag if I'm not really invited to stay the night.

I don't know. I can double check with my mate when she comes to pick me up I guess.

Going to the cinema on Sunday. With a guy. One that keeps asking me out but I just don't think I fancy him. Plus he kept asking my best mate out for ages and sent her roses for Valentine's, then the week after he decided to ask me out. I've told him I just want to be mates. Then he text me before to see if I want to go to the cinema. Not as a date. So I've agreed. As long as he knows it's not a date.

He keeps asking me to hang out and I keep coming up with excuses not to as I don't want to lead him on. But I've told him this is not a date. So, he should be pretty clear about that. Surely.

You meet a guy. He comes back to yours. Things start to progress, and he unbuttons your top to reveal...

This.

http://news.uk.msn.com/odd-news/article.aspx?cp-documentid=16798554&ocid=today

Mmm. I don't think I'll risk having a man shaped hole in my wall.

I want it. The house I seen yesterday.

I have rang the letting agency (four times) and the plan is they will ask the landlord the questions I have, and I'll fax them my application tomorrow.

The only problem is a few other people have shown an interest, and if they put in an application before mine goes through, the landlord will have to consider them all and make a decision. They might not. I hope they don't.

The house can be furnished or unfurnished, but the furnished option includes everything down to the knives and forks and pictures on the wall. So I've requested part furnished - some main bits of furniture to save me some money but everything else I want to provide myself.

So if there is more than my application, that may go against me as it would be easier to let it to someone who wants everything, then they don't have to move it.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe no one else will apply.

Maybe they will and I won't get it.

It's really nice though. It has a garden. A nice garden. And a conservatory. And a spare bedroom which can become a study.

I'm off to mentally furnish my new house from the Argos catalogue.

It's done. I have told my flatmate that I'm looking for somewhere else to live.

I haven't found anywhere yet, though I am seeing another house tomorrow which does look promising.

I wasn't going to say anything until I had found somewhere, but I just got myself so worked up over the weekend with him being here, that I had to say something. I didn't mention him at all - I just said it was time I had my own place and I want to be a bit more settled as I'm going to be living in this area for a while. She was ok about it, a bit surprised but she understood.

I feel better. Calmer.

Maybe it's because now I've said something it makes it all the more real. Like a plan I've got to see through, rather than something I think about when I'm feeling particularly pissed off.

I have been majorly pissed off this weekend though. I'm not often here of a weekend, or not a whole weekend. And through the week I'm at work. So when I do spend a weekend here, its just too much of the two of them, of having him here in my home. Which is one of the reasons I rarely spend a weekend here. They spend a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom too. Between them, they got 4 baths/showers on Saturday. Not that I was keeping a deliberate tally, but the bathroom is two feet away from every other room in the flat so it's hard to not notice.

So I'm feeling better. I still need to finish my assignment, I literally have to write a paragraph and then I'm done though.

Can anyone explain to me (in simple speak) what the 30 Top Keywords are that randomly appear on my stats page? I have wondered for a while now and am still none the wiser.

Thanks x

Cricket boy obviously noticed me deleting him from Facebook. As he has now sent a request to add me as a friend.

WTF?!

So first I was angry. Then I found the situation quite amusing. Now I'm just god damn upset.

Not about him, because he's not all that hot. And the lack of a compensating personality goes without saying.

Just about this whole sorry situation, and the fact it keeps happening, and that one day I might actually find a guy who isn't attached, but then it's going to be in the back of my mind that they are going to do the dirty on me.

It is unfair of me to put all guys in that box, I know there are some nice ones out there. They just don't live near me.

I just can't believe he accepted my invitation on Facebook, when he knew I'd see that he was engaged. It's as if he doesn't care about what he's doing. I mean, he kissed me in the club, infront of his mates who must know he is engaged. It's the arrogance I can't stand. The whole 'nothing can touch me' attitude. The fact he thinks that what he is doing is ok and that he can publically flaunt his cheating ways.

Now I think I may be bordering on angry again.

I've deleted him from Facebook anyway. He probably won't even notice, but if he does, he may realise that I'm trying to prove a point - that I don't think it's ok for him to pull me behind his fiancees back, and I'm not going to just be all friendly with him after that.

I'm by no means going to go nutty either, but I'm just not going to stand for it.

Oh well. Another potential finished.

Next!

Oh my god. Another one. Why are all the blokes I meet dickheads!

So I added Cricket Boy to Facebook. I know, I know, I should have waited. But I'm glad I did now, so I'm not wasting any time waiting for him. He confirmed me as a friend.

Relationship status: Engaged.

Don't get me wrong, I was under no illusion that he was going to be the love of my life. But I am fuming.

No news on Cricket Boy. I'm not really sure I want there to be. But I'd like the option, if you know what I mean? I'm so impatient, ha!

I was concerned that it would get back to my brother-in-law (and therefore my sister) that I went to one of his Cricket mates houses at the weekend. I would not imagine that going down well really. But I've not had any texts from her about it so it's either all good or the grapevine's running particularly slow this week.

Mmm, I'm hungry. Again. Starvos. Toast or crisps? Maybe both. Oink.

Ooh, I just realised my last post was my 200th.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

So... Cricket Boy is on Facebook. Should I add him or not?
I don't want to look uncool and desperate lol.
Maybe I should just wait. If he wanted to get in touch, he would.

I got feedback for my assignment. Apparantly my production schedule and newsletter are 'stunning', and I 'clearly spent a lot of time and effort on it'.

Stunning is not really a word I'd use to describe an assignment, but its not a bad description! And as for the lots of time and effort, they obviously don't realise I did most of it in a late night panic hours before the deadline.

So I'm quite pleased. Plus this means that I don't have to make any changes before final submission. The report which I'm supposed to write about any changes I had to make after feedback, I now have to write about any issues I came across while completing the assignment. I've got that and a self evaluation to do by next Tuesday.

Having a night off the work tonight though. Call it a reward.

Toy Boy has just text to invite me to a party at his new house the weekend after next.

I haven't heard from him in ages.

I said I think I'll be able to make it. I could make an appearance anyway.

I'm pleased to say I'm not nearly as hungover today as I was yesterday.

Went out last night. Saw Cricket Boy from Saturday night. We talked for a bit, but I was really tired and my feet were killing me, so I went home early. Well, when I say early it was half 2. I knew I was shit crack though, I was just really quiet. So I thought it better to leave than just stand there and him think I was really boring. Which he probably does already.

He didn't ask for my number. I didn't offer it. I figure if he liked me enough he would have asked. He walked me to a taxi, we kissed and he just said he'd see me next weekend. Not a good sign really.

The Glove Guy was out. So called because I met him at Easter when I was out, and was wearing lace gloves. He found me on Facebook and emailed me, calling me 'the girl with the gloves'. My mate spoke to his, and he just stood there looking all awkward and avoiding eye contact. I didn't speak to him, I just stood there thinking what is he playing at. I mean, there's shy, and there's just plain weird. We've emailed each other a few times in the past few weeks, so it was a bit odd he didn't even say hi. Later on I seen him with some girl who was dressed as a bumble bee. Fancy dress, I assuming. I doubt it was her usual attire.

Divorced man was out, and drunk as usual. He tried to kiss me, then said "Let's get a taxi to mine, I'll buy you a slice of pizza." I declined that, er, attractive offer and told him I was staying out but why doesn't he go home. Ha.

Matthew was also out, looking very sheepish as he always does. I think he's a little embarrassed around me as he knows he's usually a drunken mess.

It was... ok. Benidorm itself was better that I expected. I'm not really sure what I expected though, but something along the lines of the stereotypical tv series of the same name, perhaps.

There was a divide as soon as we got there, between the eight of us. There was one girl in particular who just bitched non stop. She wanted everyone to do what she wanted to do, and bitched when we didn't. Her sister and cousin pretty much stuck with her the whole holiday. Everything was a drama, while we weren't bothered if people wanted to go off and do different things, everyone was there to have a good time. She wanted to go to the beach, we didn't. She wanted to go out at a particular time, no one else was ready. She wanted to go to certain bars and bullied and manipulated everyone into it just to shut her up. She took control and then said that we were all being bitchy because we didn't follow her.

She wanted to cancel the meal we had planned for the last day, blaming the fact that her sister doesn't like eating in front of people, even though she'd already eaten in front of us. Really, they'd met some blokes on the beach and wanted to skip the meal and go straight to the bar so they could meet up with them. So they weren't happy when we all said we wanted to go to the meal anyway. I bit my tongue, on several occassions as I didn't want to make things worse and cause anymore upset. I don't know them that well, I've only met them a few times but all week I felt like I had to watch everything I said and did because they would find something to bitch about.

It was just one petty thing after another, but she totally ruined it for the girl whose hen party it was, she's been upset about it all week since getting back and last night when we were drinking there was a serious text war going on, ending in basically a decision that she no longer wants anything to do with her. Which is understandable really as she was selfish throughout and is still not accepting that she did anything wrong. It wasn't her hen party to ruin. Who needs friends like that really.

Anyway, other than that - which basically took over most of the holiday - we did still manage to have some fun. I didn't get very drunk, and I was quite well behaved I'm sure you'll be disappointed to hear!

And although a few of them I would be quite happy to never see again I did make some new friends who did make me feel like part of the group, and who I will be seeing more of.

After the past few weeks of standing in the canteen queue twiddling my hair and trying to make eye contact, the possibility of a potential romance with the Canteen Boy is zero.

I saw him in Tesco's on Friday and he actually noticed me, for a change. We made eye contact, I thought I was smiling but I realised afterwards I was probably doing that thing where I think I'm smiling but actually my face is reflecting the fact I feel like a rabbit in headlights. I want to smile, but my face just won't do as it's told, because I'm all nervous and flustered. No wonder I'm single, I look like a miserable bitch!

Anway, back to the point. I saw him, he saw me. I gawped. Then I clocked the girl behind him. As if I could have missed her. His girlfriend. And she's fat.

Now, that shouldn't matter. But here I was thinking he'll never be interested in me because I'm fat and I'm ugly and I only ever have time to make an effort to dress well and do my hair for work about half the time, which of course is the only time he ever sees me. And he's got a fat girlfriend! Maybe she's a very nice girl. Of course, she's not. She's a bitch, obviously.

I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.

I'm just a bitch. As my friend reminded me, even fat girls need love too.
I know, I'm one of them.

So rough. Serves me right, which is no consolation whatsoever, but I do deserve to have the shakes and a pounding bad head.

I got home (well, to my mam and dad's house where I'm staying this weekend) at 6am this morning.

I went out last night with some of the lasses I went on holiday with. Having consumed a bottle of wine before going out and then having several vodkas, alcopops and shots (strawberry tequila = yak) in town, I was a little bit worse for wear. Though still standing and not making a complete tit of myself so an improvement on my usual behaviour when I've had that much to drink.

My friends went home and I headed back in the club to find another friend I'd seen earlier. I didn't find her, but instead got talking to a couple of lads who play cricket with my brother in law. One of them I went to school with and I didn't realise they all knew each other, I've not spoken to him since school.

Anyway, somehow it seemed like a good idea for the three of us to go to one of them's (very nice) house. We played pool, drank wine and watched the boxing. And I kissed the one I know from school. Which probably wasn't a good idea as it will be all round the cricket club by next week and I know quite a few of the guys there. I wouldn't mind if he was hot but he's not really. A nice guy though so that kind of makes up for it.

He wanted me to stay. I left, explaining that I had practically had no sleep for three days and just wanted to get home.

I was so drunk and looked a complete mess but I don't think I made that much of a fool of myself, it was quite contained drunkeness. Maybe I'm learning to be a more self-controlled drunk, as I'm getting older. Though it was probably just a fluke.

I'm so tired! Thats after staying up until 3am to finish my assignment on Thursday, having a few hours of stressful sleep before going to work on Friday, then babysitting and being woken up from another very stressful sleep (I was having deadline nightmares) before 7 by a five year old using my stomach as a trampoline.

I managed to get a couple of hours kip before going out last night but I was exhausted. Yet it didn't stop me staying out till 6am this morning, and then going out again tonight. I'm going to be good for nothing all next week until I catch up on sleep!