A belated merry Christmas to you all.

I saw the ex on Christmas eve. I was totally sober and felt so sick at the sight of him, especially when I seen who he was out with - White Pants Guy. He’s a regrettable random from a couple of years ago. I had no idea they even knew each other, let alone were mates. It’s not so much him I’m worried will say something, but one of his dodgy mates who was also there, and who wouldn’t think twice about making a sly dig as I walked past. So I tried to avoid them, sprinting round the other side of the pub at one point, as they were edging ever closer and all it would take is one comment for them to realise they both knew me. In that way.

At one point I thought they had left, and relaxed a bit. But, good timing as ever, he had to walk back in just as I was stood talking to three guys, one of them standing with his arm round me, trying to buy me a drink. Luckily he’d ditched White Pants Guy by this point, but decided to talk to one of these guys and completely blank me.

Until later, after walking past me a dozen times, he stopped to ask if I was avoiding him. We acknowledged it was awkward, but I let him buy me a drink, and after a little while it was like we’d gone back in time. Back to Christmas eve two years earlier, when I’d also ended up with him, before it all got complicated and feelings got out of hand. Before he’d hurt me several times over.

I was driving, so I gave him a lift home. Back at his (Mam’s) house, we chatted and watched TV. He practically begged me to stay over, claiming he’d even sleep on the sofa if I preferred. I declined his offer, and left after a goodbye kiss.

Now, I’ve realised I’m not big on kissing. Witnesses to my many drunken pub snogs would beg to differ, but on the whole kissing is a hard thing to get right. But with the ex, it’s different. He’s a great kisser. I could happily kiss him for ever. With others, I get bored easy and just speed it on to the good stuff.

On Christmas day I had a message from him on Facebook, as we don’t have each other’s mobile numbers anymore. And then, I seen him again on Boxing Day. It’s all ended in disaster again, as usual. I shall fill you in tomorrow.

But right now, I’m tired and more than a bit pissed off about him being a dick/me not being able to accept that he's a dick/having to go back to work tomorrow/all my friends being out on the drink tonight, so I’m off to bed.

Bye for now.